You think gay people love Gaga? You should hear when a Robyn song comes on at a gay bar. Straight people think, "Oh, the gays love Madonna and Lady Gaga and Kathy Griffin." Yes, it's true, but there is a class of gay superstars you don't even know about. That's sort of like calling Bill Gates "rich" and expecting him to get mad about it. But, yeah, go ahead and call us a cocksucker. If you say "cocksucker" like it's a bad thing, your punishment should be to never have your cock sucked again. We love our cocks, we love to have them sucked, and we love to be the one doing the sucking. Therefore, if you call us a cocksucker, it says something more about you than it does about us. See the discussion about "power bottom" above, except the difference is, 99.9% of gay men love to suck dick. They also give me a headache and make me want to pass out. They also make you kind of dizzy and crazy and make every cell in your body scream, " I want to fuck right now" at the same time. Especially bottoms! What it does is loosen up all the involuntary muscles (like in the throat and anus) so it's so much easier to get large objects pushed into them. Well, not all of them, but a lot of them. It's amyl nitrite and it's sold as "room deodorizer" or "video head cleaner" or some other preposterous bullshit like that. I promise not to make you feel like less of a man for it.įor those who don't know, poppers are an inhalant that is rather easy to come by in most adult book stores or gay leather shops. And, yes, straight guys, let your lady stick a finger up there sometime, and you'll know what I'm talking about. That is probably true, but those feelings are wrapped in all this heteronormative, patriarchal bullshit that straight society has thrust upon us, and we hate you for making us feel bad about something that is better than chasing a million dragons. There's some sort of shame about being a bottom, like it makes us less manly and that straight people won't take us seriously. The weird thing is "power bottom" isn't just some stupid straight boy insult, the gays use it too. But if topping is like a merry-go-round, then bottoming is like the best fucking roller coaster you've ever been on in your life.
There are also lots of tops who only like to top. There are lots of couples that are both bottoms and they take turns begrudingly topping.
There are lots of guys who only like to bottom. Yes it is sometimes messy (Santorum is just not a candidate in Iowa). Yes, I don't speak for all of the homosexuals, but, come on, queen, try to tell me this isn't true! Bottoming Is Fun Let's see if you still like us after this. Now, it's time to let the straights in on some of our dirty little secrets. That's right, there are all sorts of secrets that Ted and Ned, the nice gay couple next door to you with the matching BMWs and the prim sweater sets aren't telling you, probably starting with the reason they have those bolts in the ceiling of the "den" (It's for the sling and "den" is gay for "sex room"). That doesn't mean we're still not queer radicals. As gay men and lesbians get closer and closer to the mainstream they've often traded in their image as the queer radicals who started the Stonewall Riots for the milquetoast assimilationists who want to get married and have kids and put HRC bumper stickers on their cars.